39 weeks and still cooking

How far along: 
 39 weeks

Total weight gain:
Well my weight went up 3lbs then now back down again. its stayed the same for the last 2 weeks. I feel less hungry for bigger meals again. A lot of snacking and cold drinks.

Maternity clothes:
Oh yes. I broke out my shorts and excited that my gym shorts are lose enough that I can wear them now. We have been measuring 35 weeks the last 3 weeks and our OBGYN says that's normal at the end. Its scary for me because with losing fluid with Thomas and having to be induced this was the first indicator. I'm praying for my nerves to settle down about it and trust fully. I'm constantly feeling him and poking him even when his kicks hurt. I'm overly sensitive to every move he makes. The NEED to make sure he stays safe is very important even if I go crazy in the process *smiles* 

Stretch marks: 

Nothing new. My old ones have come out some and become noticeable. Before you could hardly see them.

Sleep:

Sleeping has been harder lately. I wake up a lot more to go to the bathroom. I don't remember this with my two but I'm sure its the same. He's pushing a lot lower the last 2 weeks. We are still a 2 as of last Tuesday and 70%. He moves his head and I get a lot of pressure and some sharp pains in my hips and pelvis. Which makes it harder to sleep as well.

Best moment of this week:

I'm not sure if I can say I've had a "best" moment this week other then our dr appointment and having coffee with the photographer who's going to be in the room

. But the week before Sam Jack and the girls came down for the day so we could make a belly cast and the kids could play. We went to the state park and went on a little walk but nothing too exciting happened obviously haha. Sam took some more pictures and still working on fishing them with her last weddings before her leave now as of last Saturday..

This last week tho I got into a debate with the Dr over inducing. She's really pushing for it and I don't see the need. He is safe and even tho I am not feeling the greatest at times this is all apart of the process. Labor begins before IN LABOR. My labor and delivery was so horrible with Thomas (being induced) that avoiding it is the only way I can be sure that it wont be so terrible. 36 hours compared to 9.5 with my daughter that came on her own. I was a 2 for both my kids for weeks so even tho we are a 2 it really doesn't make a difference in showing how fast I would go. More complications can arise not only for me but for this little guy. C sections, bleeding issues (like with my son) and a lot more pain meds...  So I felt a little guilty being so "not unless we need to for medical reasons" but the guilt doesn't even come close to the need to keep us safe. Going with my gut feeling and past experience and being told I bled so bad because of the induction I'm standing my mommy guns. And I believe that Sam and Jack trust me to know my body and to keep their little one safe. I've done it this long *smiles*

But in all, I've been feeling pretty good the last 2 weeks. More heart burn but less contractions for the most part. They will pick up here and there for a short time but it never lasts longer then 30 min to an hour. I'm spending a lot of time the last week talking with baby Kelly and savoring his movements. This may be the last time I'm ever pregnant.

Miss anything:
Missing my mom and papa a lot the last couple weeks. My birthday is in 5 days and they both arnt here. I've been playing birthday videos I have of them singing to me the last years they where here a lot too (gives me some peace reminding me the love we all had together).

I haven't been talking to many people the last 2 weeks or so and if I have its been brief.

(I'm not ignoring anyone on purpose) Its just a time for me to work through the next few weeks. Baby Kelly, My birthday, My papas birthday is the 17th (would of been 66), Zoo trip this year without him (we did it every year). and a bunch of other things that's been going on that's been hard. Life's short.. in moments your whole world and life can change. Make the most of it.

Movement:
He's moving less when it comes to constant kicks and pushes (I can feel his lungs move constantly tho) but larger kicks all together. I keep wondering how in the world he can still fit in there. His Body moves and my whole belly and sides move. I cant wait to see how big he's going to be. I think he's going to be really long/ have really long legs.

Food cravings:
 Ice water, banana chips, peaches, DQ

Anything making you queasy or sick:
Comes and goes but his movements have been making me feel sick. Also anything spicy will make me feel like puking after I eat it.

Labor signs:
It comes and goes. Last week I started having contractions timed and lasting 5 min at a time for over an hour then tapered off. I'm thinking I was a bit dehydrated and that's what did it because after spending the night sipping water and throwing up I started feeling better the next day. Pressure and pinching pain comes and goes with back pain. So I can tell he's moving down and getting ready but nothing that I would say he will be here tomorrow.
Belly button in or out: In

Wedding rings on or off:
On

Happy or moody most of the time:

sensitive, emotional, lovey, cuddly, motherly

Looking forward to:

seeing baby!!! *hopefully*

 

Some pictures I took at the park messing around on my evening walk. I love phone timers....

 

 

At the Beach with my little Olivia

39 weeks

counting the days

Had our Appointment today and we are still a 2cm dialated and 60% effaced. Baby is doing great 130s for his heart beat.

The hernia the thought I   had is actually a cyst. We will be looking at it more with time and after baby's born.

We stop meds Saturday night. It will be interesting to see how long it takes for my body to go into labor. From here on out prayers for baby and I to stay safe and healthy are needed. Thank you everyone for all your positive words and support.

36 weeks

One more week and we can have a water birth if we want. I found out last week I have a small hernia where my belly button is .. so a little bump (which is very sensitive). Its getting more sensitive so hopefully it doesn't get worse and fixes itself after baby's born so I won't need surgery. Blah

Contractions have picked up some around the time I take my meds and they ware off so we might be upping the meds until Sunday. (when I stop all meds and restrictions)

I'm feeling more energized like that nesting feeling.I wasn't sure if I would feel this way since its not my baby and it was kinda in a mothers mind to get ready for her baby. Now I'm sure its more hormonal then mental. I keep wondering what he will look like... and how I can't wait to get my time to squeeze him after mommy and daddy. Here's baby at  36weeks

When will you come little man?

       We had our appointment on Wednesday and I'm dilated to a 2. Before I was barley a 1. So this little guys slowly making his way here. I've noticed some changes the last week or so but nothing to make me think its going to be here SOON.. but I can say Ill be surprised if he comes over his due date. I'm really excited about this.. but at the same time sad.

      This Journey has been a long and emotional one.. but it also has gone by very fast. There where so many things I wanted to do with Sam and Jack to help them bond but I'm not worried as I was in the beginning, living away from each other. There are so many people out there that adopt their child and never meet them until after they are born and sometimes years after and have a bond like no other. I think it was more for me. Some for baby yes, but I needed that bond with them to walk strong and not feel like I have to bond with Baby. I was afraid if I made too strong of a bond it would be hard to let go after he's born. To look at him and wonder if I was really done having children or if this was a piece of what I wanted in years to come. I really cant say for sure If I want more children.. a part of me says yes but I think that's all mothers to some extent. The BOND I have with him is different. Yes, I can say I did bond with him. We talked We poked each other. I cried for him and wanted him for them. I count down the days like I did my own.. but to see the love I have for my kids in their eyes. Its a bond that's far different then my own kids but its a bond of love. I read some surrogates blogs and they go through this like its nothing. Just another day.. just some "job".
(it seems) For me this was so much more. I cant say it was more emotional or that I got attached more so then others, I think its the story that started before us. The story of my own struggles and so on. Every piece of my life added together is making a great picture. Slowly I am letting go and letting God ... It's scary to let so much go.. but I'm doing it one day at a time..

Olivia's a bit attached to me being pregnant. She likes talking to the baby and kissing him. Makes me a little worried how she will handle not having a baby to come home with..

This little boy is very special to my family.. Its hard for me to even put it into words at this point how I feel but I'm sure more answers will come with time.

Now I can say I'm really starting to get things together for him to come. My bag is packed for the most part. I have day care lined up for during the day and my mother in law said if she can come she will be here. Otherwise my dad and sister will help too. At least overnight. What's so different this time is I wont have to stay in the hospital as long, as long as there is no complications. Ill just be going up for pumping and giving breast milk. Working on building a supply for them to go home with and after. I'm nervous about breastfeeding (pumping) this time. As of now I'm not sure if he will latch to me at all and if we will do just pumping right off the bat. With my kids I didn't respond well to pumping until after my breast milk came in. I had plenty of breast milk that's for sure... just getting the let downs. We will see, it will be a hospital grade pump there and I heard they are amazing. And I'm picking up mine after he's born.

34 and 35 weeks

How far along: Currently I'm 35 weeks and 2 days but I'm going to cover both 34 and 35 weeks since nothings really changed between the two until recently.

Total weight gain: Scales between the two Dr's we have been seeing is about 3-4 lbs but at home I've gained the same 3 lbs as before. Depending on when I weigh myself some days I get 4... WOOHOO!

34 Weeks

before pregnant and on IVF meds (weight gain)- weight loss from pregnancy now

35 weeks

Maternity clothes: Yes,  a few of the shirts that fit me before are now pretty snug so I wear them as an under shirt only. I'm hoping the tank tops I got still look good after the baby's born because I absolutely love them. Maternity or not I don't care.

Stretch marks: Well, some of the stretch marks that I got with my two kids are starting to show up alittle. No new ones.

Sleep: I'm still in that rut of not being able to fall a sleep at night, so its usually late by the time I go to bed. The kids get up at the same time regardless so I still search for a nap in the afternoon. More potty runs I've noticed.

Best moment of this week: Last week Sam came up and we where able to have an ultrasound. I noticed Last Wednesday afternoon he wasn't moving much. Not too worried I figured he was just sleeping. Got a few kicks throughout the night but less then normal. Still nothing too concerning. By Thursday morning when Sam came down he was still not moving like he was before. Starting to get paranoid I had some coffee... still nothing. Poke poke wake up little man * little kicks and wiggles* so I took 2 drinks of Nicks energy drink and some chocolate milk got ready then headed off to the clinic for out appointment.  Still not having much of any movement I talked to our Dr. about him but She had to rush off to a delivery and there wasn't any other dr's in, so we got to have an ultrasound and hooked up to monitors for about 20 min before.His HB was good. Had a few contractions which is normal but nothing regular...  Ultrasound looked good. fluid was good... So reassured I went home and Sam went back to Fargo. It wasn't until later that night that he started moving again like before. We don't know why he went on so long without much movement but now he's moving like crazy. More so then ever before. Little turd monkey. So with the best moments the last 2 weeks I would say we got to see him again, but we wish it wasn't while we where worried about him and getting grey hairs. We go back for another ultrasound around 37 weeks.

Miss anything: We had one day of sun the last 2 weeks.. I miss it.

Everything else is going great. Little mans growing and our due date is getting closer and closer!!

Movement: Tons of movement.. =D

Food cravings: Raspberry/Butter Toast, Ice water, Golden Grahams Cereal, Simply Asia meals, pickled beets.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Oddly enough I've been having random sick feelings like Im about to puke then it goes away. I'm starting to feel my body change like it did with Olivia.

Have you started to show yet: Silly question

Gender: Boy!!

Labor signs: Contractions are still the same besides the last day or so. Little more frequent off and on but nothing worrisome. He's Lower that's for sure and I feel like he's dropped in the last 2 weeks. everyone says it too. Still on our meds for contractions Heart burn and Tylenol with Codeine for pain when needed (bulged disk and contractions). Also a few weeks back our (FFN) test came back positive but nothings happened. Obviously we where on edge with the worry we would go into labor but that hasn't shown to be the case. With restrictions and meds little man is staying put and we don't expect to see him anytime soon. So those who have a positive I would say to stay calm and just be aware of your body. I feel its more of a warning it COULD happen then a for sure test.

Belly button in or out: In but super tight

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or moody most of the time: I'm usually happy. Still emotional over sappy commercials and movies.. but that's to be expected haha.

Looking forward to: Our Dr appointment tomorrow and seeing Sam. I think a trip to Fargo is in order ... we will see what happens this weekend.

33 weeks (recap of the last 3 weeks)

How far along:
33 weeks (One more to go and we will be able to stay in Alexandria for the delivery and not have to go to St. Cloud)

Total weight gain:
 3 lbs!  I feel like I've gained a lot more but with all the meds I don't really know. I've been trying my hardest to gain more weight but I just cant seem to pack it on. What's hard for me lately is I really want to go for a walk/run but that isn't an option. Soon... but not too soon..

Maternity clothes:
They are getting more and more snug it seems. I'm hitting that stage where my clothes are getting extremely uncomfortable. That I would be happy wearing sun dresses and yoga pants instead for any type of fitted clothing. Then I think of the clothing I have now for after the baby is born .. I need to go shopping that's for sure!! And honestly I really really really dislike shopping other then socks and shoes. Starting to get curious to what my body will be like after baby Kelly's born. Thomas I lost 30 lbs within the first month and Olivia it was a little less then a month and I hit the 30 lbs marker as well.(and I only gained 20 with Thomas and 10 with Olivia so pregnancy was good to me after before).

32 weeks

33 weeks

Sleep:
I'm still having a hard time falling a sleep at night. Then once I do I have really weird dreams so I wake up a lot too. I think its more from having a lot on my mind then the pregnancy itself. Potty breaks have increased that's for sure.

Best moment of this week:

 I've been slacking. Its been 3 weeks since my last post and a lot has gone on. Dr's appointments have been good. Everything's stayed the same with meds and what I can and cant do. We did get our deck redone within the last 3 weeks and was finished about a week ago. That was a huge relief for me. The people who built it didn't use the right lumber and they didn't stain it so the wood was really dry and cracked. 2 of my besties dad did the job and he did awesome.

Miss anything:
 I miss a lot of things lately. Mothers Day was extreamly hard for me this year. My mom is gone (2 years now) and Papa isn't here either (7 months). As a mother not only is that day special (more so then my own birthday)
but a day that wouldn't of meant anything if it wasn't for my kids.
Being a mother is everything to me.

Thomas and Olivia made me mothers day pictures in School. LOVED THEM!! I slipped those into my mommy box as soon as I got them so they wouldn't get wrecked.
We also went out for Lunch (Chinese) yummm...

I miss being able to do anything for myself. Not only is it hard to ask for help but when I do ask for any type of help and get shut down or forgotten then it makes it even harder the next time. I'm limited on what I can and cant do and being there for others then getting let down sucks. I think that's part of the reason many reasons I wanted to be a surrogate mother. Do onto others what I would want done for/to me. Giving back to the world. I have so much faith in the world and people that I end up getting hurt easily. I'm told this is a good thing but sometimes I'm not so sure. I want to be the change in the world that others are afraid to do themselves. It starts with one.. and I hope others will follow


Thomas has been having a hard time with his SPD and ADHD the last 2 months and more so the last 2 weeks. He's really emotional and sensitive. Poor little guy. SPD really is difficult. What makes it so much more difficult is that not a lot of people know about it. So explaining it is something we have to do regularly when we have play dates etc. Regardless of any disability he may have he's perfect in my eyes.

Movement:

 Tons of movement. The comments people make like " he's going to be a soccer player".. ya no, this little boys going to be a kick boxer. He Kicks me so hard I feel bruised from the inside out. And I'm not really complaining about it either. He's strong active and likes to stay up late just like I do, so what could I complain about? We talked about it and it seems to me he agrees to keep kicking me letting me know that he's okay in there as long as I don't squeeze him too much after he's born...  I told him I'll TRY.

Food cravings:
Those Asian noodle meals, ICE water, Ice Cream Cones, banana's.

Anything making you queasy or sick:
Nothing specific. I get queasy randomly for a few min then it goes away. WERD

Have you started to show yet:
More and more each day haha

Labor signs:
 Nothing new. Contractions and heart palpitations are the same. I did notice my feet where a little swollen a couple nights the last 2 weeks. Nothing HUGE but noticeable.

Belly button in or out: In but tighter

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or moody most of the time:
 I've been emotional. Easily hurt & my mouth filter is pretty much none existent. (something I'm working on). Went out to visit my mom and papa this last week. Brought flowers for my mom and a heart concrete plaque for papa.

A Heart of Gold Stopped Beating, Two willing Hands at rest. God broke our hearts to prove to us he only takes the best

 After some tears I felt better.. something I needed to do for a while but haven't had the right moment to let it out.

Looking forward to:
 This week we have another Ultrasound. Sam's coming up for our Dr's appointment where we will be talking about water birth and breastfeeding/pumping. I also will be getting another ECHO and halter monitor to make sure everything's a go for delivering here. Then after this week we will be going every week until this little man comes. So exciting!!!!!

30 weeks and so much more

How far along: 30 weeks.. I cant believe it. Went to Fargo for the baby shower and we got to take some pictures together. It was nice to just spend some time without all the distractions of the world and our daily lives. Just to be able to have Sam feel him when ever she wanted was perfect. I can sit here and try to describe how it made me feel but its pretty much impossible. One word I think can sum it up... LOVE!

We went to this smoothie shop that has these jelly things in them. It was so good. Baby Really liked it as well. I put the smoothie cup on my belly and we watched it move. I'm sure people there thought we where lesbians the way Sam was rubbing my belly.We just giggled about it to be honest. =)

Total weight gain:

I believe Ive only gained 3lbs so far. Ive been eating alot more lately. I'm not sure if I just feel really hungry all the time or if its my head telling me that if I eat more drink more water that it will help him stay in there longer and get nice and chunky. Maybe its a little of both. He likes it when I eat anything sweet. He gets alot more active. Ice cream is the recent Fav! And not just ice cream.. ice cream cones!! I had 2 the other night... shhhhh

Maternity clothes:
Some of the clothes I thought fit funny on me are starting to fit nicely. Ive used the belly band to my advantage to use my regular pants and so far I haven't really had to wear maternity pants. Which I really dislike anyways. They constantly move and I have to adjust the top part. But I really feel like I have popped out the last week or so. Sam said she thinks so too.

Stretch marks:
Nothings changed there.

Sleep:
 I seem to sleep sound lately. Even with potty breaks its just getting to sleep that's the challenge. I find myself super exhausted throughout the day but as the day comes to an end and the kids are asleep that's when i find it hard to wined down myself. All the things I couldn't get done right away or by myself I want to get done. I think its because I can do it and take my time. I do some stuff around the house and then rest for a while. No multitasking for this girl. And for me that's torture. I am one to do 3 things at once...

Best moment of this week:
 I would have to say that the best moment(s) of this week was the baby shower in Fargo.
Nick and the kids went to his parents house to help out grandma and grandpa and play while I went to Fargo to spend time with the Kelly family (smiles.. )
The baby shower was alot of fun. It was nice seeing and meeting people in Sam and Jacks lives that love them and this baby. For being a Surrogate Its a touch of love that started us.

I cant believe that its coming up to a YEAR that we started this journey together. That we got linked to one another from a mutual friend and met for lunch.

Jacks daughters are a huge "bonus" for me as well. At first I could tell that they where slow at introducing me to them. And I understood why. If none of the transfers took how to explain to a child death.. loss. They have already suffered so much along with Sam-a-mommy and their dad Jack. Why put them through more? The loss of the first transfer and the twin.. its was crushing.
(jeese makes me cry even now thinking about back then). Those girls have really grown on me. And for those who know me know its easy for kids to fall on my heart heavy but its different. The love and acceptance I see in their faces and the touches on my belly. The love THEY have for their brother even before hes here. And I'm not their mom.. its different its special. Its a gift that's been given TO ME!
Yes, I hear people making comments about how wonderful  I am for doing this... thank you.. But people need to also see how wonderful they are. They are giving me something that I can look back on my life and say.. I gave something bigger then myself. I gave a family that was broken a piece that made them ALMOST whole again. Almost because after everything they have went through they cant ever get that back but the can pick up the piece's and move on from there. With this little guy and eachother...

Later after the shower and our smoothie picture run we went back to Sam and Jacks. Sam got to feel her baby boy kick and squirm around and I got to pick on Jack. ( hes not quiet there yet with feeling okay with touching my tummy. We will get him there *wink*). I felt myself stalling before I left for home. Wanting Sam to feel one more kick. The excitement she gets is what I had with my kids so knowing that feeling I know that you just cant get enough!! I was going to stay the night but with my kids at home and a bunch of stuff we had to do in the morning I had to get home. And with my sleep being off it being late didn't effect it anyways.

Movement:

 This little man has been moving like crazy. They say that weeks 30-34 when they move its alot more intense. Then after 34 weeks it usually slows down with having less room to move. So Ill be making alot of videos the next 4/5 weeks.

Food cravings:

Raspberry/Butter Toast, Ice Cream Cones, Root Beer, Strawberry's..

 

Anything making you queasy or sick:

 Nothing really, Ive felt pretty good on the food standpoint. I'm always hungry

Have you started to show yet:

I feel like Ive popped out alot!

Gender:
Boy!!

Labor signs:
With this pregnancy being so eventful we are doing everything to make sure him and I stay healthy and he stays put. And so far so good.

I'm making sure to fallow Dr's orders and take it easy... Still having contractions but it seems my heart palpitations haven't been as frequent. So that's a big plus.And with the meds it helps the contractions.. I'm still 1cm soft but firm and long. So we are still cruising cooking this little guy. We go back at 34 weeks for an ECHO and an EKG/heart monitor to double check everything before we deliver.

Belly button in or out:
In

Wedding rings on or off:
On, and getting looser

Happy or moody most of the time:
Still emotional. My poor husband has been through my ups and downs more so then anyone else during all of this. He truly is amazing. Without his support I don't think I could of done a second transfer. Knowing the pain that could of fallowed. It is so true that a support system is important when deciding to do this. He says that I would of done it regardless because I was so head strong on helping a family but honestly.. it wouldn't of given it a thought without him. Because with him I was made a mother...

Looking forward to:
Seeing Sam next week. I'm hoping I can talk her into a sleep over again *wink*

Here are some pictures of our day together...

 

Sam's friend and I. Our due dates are a day apart.

 Shes having a girl so they are arranging a marriage haha

  I love these 2 munchkins

 

 

 

What an awesome gift.. he better get used to his picture taken now

 

 

Some of the gifts..

 

One of my fav's. This picture says it all...

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Sam and I feeling him Kick later that night)

 

 

I have a feeling the next 10 weeks are going to go by fast. I think its time to start packing the hospital bag and making a list of things not to forget haha.. baby brain and all.