Sunday, December 30, 2012

13 weeks~2nd trimester

Up until now Ive mostly blogged about appointments, life situations, medications ect. I was sitting here thinking of what I really wanted to get out of this blog. Yes, I think that education on IVF infertility and this journey all together is not only interesting to others but to those struggling themselves with infertility and this blog I hope gives them HOPE to not give up.

I also wanted to start putting down my feelings cravings thoughts ect along this journey so this little man can look back and know how much he was loved by not only his wonderful parents and family. But extended ones that wanted him here and stood strong, not giving up when it seemed like that was the only option. That not only can he look back but the family can as well...

I wanted to know story's of when my mom was pregnant. What she craved what she felt ect. What music she listened to  Places she went and all the firsts. Sam wishes she could experience all of these and I find it important she does experience as much as she can. I don't want her to miss out on one thing or not remember a date when something happened. I pray one day his wife doesn't have anything happen to her where she cant carry a child but if that is Gods plan he can say "this is what my family did". Yes, Im thinking WAY far into the future but guess what... this is a FUTURE they never thought they would have... to me this is important and what Nick and I did with our little ones. Talked and dreamed...

Today marks 13 weeks.....
 Today for breakfast I had some Honey Hut Cheerios and Juice. Ramen for lunch because pizza sounded gross and greasy. A whole Grape Fruit (Diff. my craving for the last 2 weeks) and Ice water.

Things I love...
Grape Fruit
All canned veggies cold or cooked... Soooo YUMMY!!!

Things I dislike....
Chicken Kiev
more then a couple bites of cake
bacon bits

Ive been listening to The Civil Wars alot lately and alot of Country music and 80's music.

The last week Ive felt little man here and there but always when Im laying on my back and really still. At first I wasn't sure if it was him or gas (Love pregnancy haha) or maybe I was hungry.. but the longer it happened and how often I knew it wasn't that. Once you have a child let alone more then one, once you feel the baby move you never forget that feeling. Its like a 6th sense when It comes to your body.

Just like knowing the sex of the baby. Ive never been wrong and feeling out the gender in my own pregnancy or anyone else's I've ever "guessed". Sam and I talked when I first got pregnant and I told her it was a boy and a girl. Now that the other baby passed away I am now 100% sure that was a little girl. And the first pregnancy was girl (s) too. With girls I break out with acne. I get a rash all over my body and the worst spot is the chest. I feel so  much more with girls then I do boys. Boys are so calm I almost forget I am pregnant. Im hardly ever sick just tired.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve... I cant believe it... This last year marked many losses in my family but the biggest was my papa... In a way Im afraid to leave this year behind me because its the last year he was with me.... after this its different. its like Im closing a chapter in my life and Im not ready for it to close. It still doesn't seem real....

This last year also marks many blessings and positive things. We bought our first house in March. I started working at Knute the end of December 2011/January 2012. Bought a car that I really liked and not just put up with. Found Sam and Jack and started the process that changed my life forever... an accomplishment that I thought I would never be able to feel. To help fill the whole that I once felt myself...

Holy blog rant... well Im off to go take a lovely nap *smiles*

Friday, December 28, 2012

12 weeks 5 days

We had an ultrasound today with blood work and met with out Dr. I am 2 days shy of 13 weeks =)... Jack Sam and the girls came up for the appointment. They where a bit shy at first but warmed up and quickly showed off. Super cute.
Baby's HB was 143 during the US, and 170's with the Doppler when we met with our Dr.
Blood work is still pending and UA showed a trace of blood but with the twin that's normal.
And in our appointment we saw that Sam and Jack are having a.......
We got a few videos too Ill try and upload after a bit. Super excited and cant wait to see this little man grow. He is super active too. Sucking on his hands kicking flipping and he sure doesnt like it when I cough.. lol
Baby B is still there watching over his/her brother.

Hope everyone has a great weekend and stay safe =)

Monday, December 10, 2012

9 weeks and 10 weeks

I'm a little behind on posting.. Its been a very emotional roller coaster the last 2 weeks. We went in for an ultrasound and I must say I didn't have the greatest feeling about this one. I didn't know what it was but something was off...
Something was not right....
After checking all around the babies the tech started looking at each one. Baby A (pictured below). and Baby B ( couldn't get the picture to upload)
Well baby A was healthy as can be.. HB 171 kicking moving so CUTE!
Then we got to baby B and we knew something wasn't right. It was smaller and didn't move...
The tech couldn't find a HB and told us we needed to meet with our OB after the appointment. LONGEST WAIT EVER!!!
She came in and told us that baby B didn't make it. It was a week behind with no HB.
It was so hard sitting next to Sam keeping myself together and asking every question I could think of so she wouldn't have to. Trying to wrap our heads around losing one and having another and leaving sam was the most difficult for me. Why?? Haven't they been through enough?? What could of been wrong? Would we of lost both??
The first 2 days where the hardest for me thinking they where wrong just like at the hospital saying one baby's yolk sack was gone then 3 days later having 2 HB.
So our OB wanted to get another US the following week... at 10 weeks ( just to be sure)
I was praying for a miracle but knowing the facts I knew there was no way there would be 2 HB.
Baby A was still there kicking flipping and wanting all Mommy's attention. Hands by its mouth I say either sucking on its hands/fingers or picking its nose... either way flippin cute right??

HB of baby A 163 BPM


We did all the measurements of baby A and its right on track!! *big smiles*
 Then we went to baby B. It was still there still measuring
 8 weeks 2/3 days. My heart broke seeing it there but at the same time I had a feeling of peace. Baby A has an angel right next to him/her. I feel comfort knowing even tho its so so small its still a precious baby and I have it safe inside me until God decides to take it from my Body by having my Body absorb it. Or Baby A will push it out of the way and it will take care of its self. Most likely absorb.

Ive noticed the difference in my belly since last week. Before it was growing very rapidly and now its about the same if not a little less pressure around the pants line. The nauseous feeling all day long is now about 75% of the time and not 100% .
 I'm a little less tired but not by much.
Ive had one hell of a weekend with so much on my mind and on my heart I didn't sleep as well as I should of either. Sam and I talked for over an hour after our appointment and it was exactly what I needed. Reassurance for both of us and a sense of Peace and knowing now what we needed to know... now its up to God and we need to focus on what we still have. I must say I'm really falling in love with this little person in me. Its so different tho. I don't feel like I did with my kids. I don't get that drop love feeling when I see it on the US machine. But I love it just the same as I do all kiddos. When my best friend had her little boy I cryd. I was there from day one through the whole delivery and after. I can say that's the Love I feel right now. That Auntie that's going to spoil the crap out of this little one but scold you when you throw that rock at the passing car kinda love. AND I LOVE IT!!!