Tuesday, January 29, 2013

17 weeks 2 days

How far along: 17 weeks 2  days
Total weight gain: none.. still losing
Maternity clothes: Oh yes, I wish it was summer i have a ton of yoga Capri's that would be so comfy. I'm needing to go buy a bigger bra now too.
Stretch marks: As you can see no. I had gotten some from my kiddos that faded/left. But none from this little guy.
Sleep: Still getting up every night to go pee and take care of baby Jase. I find now that if I lay on one side too long I get leg cramps.
Best moment of this week: Feeling baby with my hands. Its amazing and I cant wait for mom and dad to feel their baby too.
Miss anything: Running, glass of wine, Not feeling dizzy when I put my socks on.
Movement: Tons of movement.. =D
Food cravings: Oddly enough nothing too much lately. I have really been wanting DQ alot lately. I think its the coconut! I find that when I eat for about 30 min or so after I feel really off and dizzy. Not sure what that means but I'm hoping it passes soon.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing too much since about 11 weeks
Have you started to show yet: HA yes
Gender: Boy!!
Labor signs: No.
Belly button in or out:  In
Wedding rings on or off: On, I never had to take mine off with my 2 either.
Happy or moody most of the time: It depends. Moodiness comes and goes but its more situational.
Looking forward to: Celebrating Nicks Golden Birthday in a month. Going to St Cloud for our Ultrasound and SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES THAT WILL FIT!!! Cant you tell its a little frustrating haha

17 weeks 2 days and baby is moving like crazy tonight. I laid on my stomach last night and I could feel him! I thought I was laying on one of the kids' toys until he moved! Olivia had to be in the picture too* too cute*

Monday, January 28, 2013


Called the clinic this morning. My ECHO results where in and they came back "okay". She is concerned with my heart still and wants to have a follow up this Friday and start me on BETA BLOCKERS.  I don't know much about them so I have homework till then and then I can make a list of questions if I have any.

She is talking about keeping me off work due to the risk of me dropping a resident. At least until hopefully the medication starts working.

I'm relieved about the ECHO just not happy without more answers.

This baby is giving me a run for my money.. It really is hard not being able to work and bring in extra money. Hopefully this passes quickly and it's just a 2nd trimester thing =P

Ultrasound and OB appointment on Friday as well.

Sunday, January 27, 2013


Over the last 8 months I have seen and felt more then I ever thought I ever would of in my life.
Some good... and some bad. People come and go and  with some I'm still I'm not understanding why.
I have lost not only my papa but I have also lost good friends. Some due to the surrogacy yes. Am I happy about this? No absolutely not but I cant change the path I am on ... and I can honestly say if I could I still wouldn't. With those people I questioned for a Moment ..."why? What have I done so wrong that the ones Ive needed most in my life and have been there for turn their back on me when things in my life have gotten so complicated. Why is it that God throws so many things at me since my mom died that Ive hit my Limit with some? And I'm giving a short piece of time in my life to do something for another is it too hard to stick with me and understand?" I guess I don't try and question Gods motive or plan for me and with my life. A hint would be nice tho.

Maybe its earlie in the morning (530am here) and I cant sleep so it leaves me with nothing but my thoughts. I would really love to catch a break from all of this tho. I can honestly say Ive lost 90% of my friends.
Yep, I feel abandoned and on top of being pregnant I feel super emotional about this. Who wouldn't right? I guess I always looked at my life and saw what I always wanted to do for others... and what I could do with what time I had and what ability I had. KARMA.... But it never seems to be enough.. People take and walk away. They get what they want or need for the time being and that is all. Weather its an ear, favor, time, money or someone they go off on, then say sorry later and blame a bad day... it never ends.

My children and my family have been a steady rock for me . I thank God for giving me such blessings. The friends that have stood by me have been without a doubt angels. Ones that made me a priority like I did them with what I could, instead of just an option when it was convenient for them. 

This next year I want to put back into my life was taken or left from me the best that I can. I cant bring back my mom or papa but I can make better investments in the relationships I have in my life. I need to stop cutting myself short and set up boundaries so I don't get used and thrown away like so many times before.

And a bug part of that is from my own choices as well. I spent the last 8 months trying to either prepare to get pregnant or be pregnant that so much was just left unsaid and done. I just accepted it. I am doing what so many wish they could or thank me for doing but for most those are just words... do they really feel that way? If so then why do actions speak louder then those words those people spoke? I didn't ask for my Papa to pass away when he did and yes I made the choice to still do the transfer after knowing it would be the same time I would have to help plan the funeral as well as attend and grieve. Knowing that Sam and Jack made an investment in having a child and I made the investment in agreeing and WANTING to help them. If people cant stand with me then I need to walk away and with some I already have.  

 On a more exciting note as of last night I can feel baby move with my hands. He is one active little guy. Sam thinks its the irish in him... I think its that and he cant wait to meet his new family in 23 weeks (or less). 

Hope everyone has a wonderful day =) Hope I wasnt too pittyish...

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Some tests are back

The EKG came back with  PVC's and heart racing. Something we will be watching. Still waiting for the echo. Im assuming the longer it takes its a good thing.... right??

Appointment hasnt changed for Thur. See what she wants to do with  my Thyroid.

Jase has been turning blue when he eats and once and a while when he doesn't. His Pedi wanted to see him yesterday to do some check ups and a chest X ray to make sure his heart wasnt enlarged. Thank God it wasnt but his ECHO was moved up to today. Poor little guy theres been so much against him from day one. I can say I have truly fallin in Love with him. Im hoping Gods plan is what Im hoping for but thats up to him. I would be devistated....

Colds at its end point today I think. Throats still sore but that I can live with. Tryed salt and pepper kettle chips last night when my mother in law and brother in law came over to visit... YEP NEW LOVE! SOOOO GOOD!!!

Well Im off to give Jase his bath and some laundry... Those in MN... STAY WARM.. lol. -20 below outside!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

16 weeks

today marks 16 weeks pregnant. my belly looks small in this picture but I sure dont feel as small. Baby has been moving alot lately. Havnt wanted much of anything spacific lately (cravings). Right now Im getting over a nasty cold pumping extra fluids and vit. C

This next week Ill be extreamly busy then the fallowing on the 1st we have our appointment 
with our OB and an ultrasound.Cant wait to see this little peanut again =). HB has been in the 143 to 147 range. 

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Still waiting..

EKG came back fine, but we are still waiting for the heart monitor results and the ECHO. I meet with the specialist on the 24th for my thyroid since its for sure one issue at hand. The thyroid can also effect the heart. So until that's ruled out with the results of the other tests that's what we are looking at and so far they know its hyperactive.
Medication is a possible option.
Worst case is surgery but I don't believe its that off and bad. The numbers would of been lower I believe.

I'm going to ask about diet and such to see if theres any natural stuff that I can give a shot at trying.

Today was better then the last 2 days. My phones been quit and the kids have kept me busy. I must say it makes a huge difference when things are taken from your life that's causing so much Chaos, Should of learned and listened to my heart long ago...

On another note Jase had his well check today and they found a loud murmur. The pediatrician said it sounded like VSD (Ventricular septal defect describes one or more holes in the wall that separates the right and left ventricles of the heart. Ventricular septal defect is one of the most common congenital (present from birth) heart defects. It may occur by itself or with other congenital diseases.)

 She set up an ECHO for the end of the month. Poor little guy. So keep him in your thoughts and prayers. She also said 70% of babies are born with a murmur and most are innocent. My husband had one and my son has one as well. My sons just as to be monitored since it wasn't heard until 18 months old. And yet hasnt caused any issues. So this can be the same.
Hopefully we get news on the results soon. Hate just sitting and wondering whats going on.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


I must say tonight my nerves are shot. Everything else in the world is weighing on my shoulders other then anything that should be stressing me out.

Trying to understand people and there choices and words. Getting tore down from those I trusted is the worst thing that could of happened.... when I need them most.. * more then one person*

Im worried about all the stuff going on with me. Im trying to stay calm and not seem anxious but honestly every time I get dizzy, my heart races or get shortness of breath I think to myself... "whats wrong".. "am I going to be ok?". Would I change the choices with being a surrogate.. no.
Weather I would carry a baby for someone or have a child for myself this would happen. And possibly would of happened if I wasn't pregnant. 5 years ago during an exam they found some nodules on my thyroid and they turned out to be fine. One solid and one fluid. Over time and tests they continued to be fine. I noticed my weight jumped from time to time but that's normal with what I had from what I understood. I worry about my heart and body... the tests they have run showed the issues Im having thus far with my thyroid are not good and not all the tests are back yet. I worry about the baby making sure I take extra good care of myself to take care of him. TRYING to limit any stress in my life but that isn't working so well. I feel like everything and everyone that could be going off on me or stressers that could come up are happening at this very moment. Every time theres any confrontations or larger stresser then normal other then my normal" ok kids settle down for the 100th time lol" stuff  my heart races and my head spins. Ive been told if its just my thyroid most of the time it can be fixed with medication and sometimes surgery. Like I said this isnt the only issue on the table but in time Ill get to the rest.

Ive been reaching out to God harder then I have in a long time. Praying for guidance and patience. That everything will turn out fine and nothing will happen to either of us... *baby or I*.

Today I am 15 weeks and 2 days along. Ive been slacking on pictures yes.. I seem to take them in my PJs or in something not so flattering just to send them to Sam and Jack. So nothing here yet. Ill get to it I promise *smiles* ... soon Sam is going to take some pregnancy pictures again. Im hoping to take some pictures of baby Jase and the kids too. My grandpas wife's daughter had a little boy New Years Eve and at this time he will be staying with me and grandma. He is so precious. If it wasn't for Zoe Thomas Olivia and baby Jase I truly would go crazy. They give me peace and get me to get my butt in gear when there are days I just want to be lazy and do nothing. Im sure thats what every parent says  haha. They are my world and top priority...
 I am truly thankful for these precious little ones and the positive people in my life right now.

Tomorrows the ECHO and I meet with the specialist next Thursday. Keep us in your prayers.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

update heart

Ended up getting refered to another dr. She did an EKG, blood work, doing a heart monitor and an ECHO next week. During my exam she said that she heard extra beats and something off but she wants to do more tests to be sure everythings ok. Could be nothing but extra hormones and blood but better safe then sorry. I need to stay healthy for my kids and for this little one inside me. Lots of prayers needed! Ill get some of the test results tomorrow ...(EKG and BLOOD). Night....

Sunday, January 6, 2013

14 weeks

14 weeks and feeling like Poo.

The last 2 weeks my heart races off and on and before that is was just the dizzy spells. The last week its been more frequent. I called the clinic to check with them and I'm supposed to keep track how many a day I have spells and what I'm doing ect.

Its been about 3 to 5 times a day and usually comes with dizzy spells. Sometimes one right after another within a few min. I noticed the last 2 days it was 6 times yesterday and 7 times today and it was when I'm just sitting there. I'm not walking alot or going up and down. Its happened a few times while I'm active but not every time. I think Ill be calling the clinic to check in tomorrow just to be safe. I never had dizzy spells or heart racing with my kids.. Maybe once when I was out of breath from stairs 9 months pregnant lol.

Still loving Salad. Vinaigrette dressing seems to be the top Fav. Grape Fruit, Special K with chocolate chunks, baked potato's and sweet gherkins pickles.

Listening to Christina Aguilera's new CD alot. Cant get enough of her.

Not much planned this next week and I'm honestly excited about it. I think I want to get my first Pedi. Ive been talking about it for years now and I think its about time.