Monday, December 10, 2012

9 weeks and 10 weeks

I'm a little behind on posting.. Its been a very emotional roller coaster the last 2 weeks. We went in for an ultrasound and I must say I didn't have the greatest feeling about this one. I didn't know what it was but something was off...
Something was not right....
After checking all around the babies the tech started looking at each one. Baby A (pictured below). and Baby B ( couldn't get the picture to upload)
Well baby A was healthy as can be.. HB 171 kicking moving so CUTE!
Then we got to baby B and we knew something wasn't right. It was smaller and didn't move...
The tech couldn't find a HB and told us we needed to meet with our OB after the appointment. LONGEST WAIT EVER!!!
She came in and told us that baby B didn't make it. It was a week behind with no HB.
It was so hard sitting next to Sam keeping myself together and asking every question I could think of so she wouldn't have to. Trying to wrap our heads around losing one and having another and leaving sam was the most difficult for me. Why?? Haven't they been through enough?? What could of been wrong? Would we of lost both??
The first 2 days where the hardest for me thinking they where wrong just like at the hospital saying one baby's yolk sack was gone then 3 days later having 2 HB.
So our OB wanted to get another US the following week... at 10 weeks ( just to be sure)
I was praying for a miracle but knowing the facts I knew there was no way there would be 2 HB.
Baby A was still there kicking flipping and wanting all Mommy's attention. Hands by its mouth I say either sucking on its hands/fingers or picking its nose... either way flippin cute right??

HB of baby A 163 BPM


We did all the measurements of baby A and its right on track!! *big smiles*
 Then we went to baby B. It was still there still measuring
 8 weeks 2/3 days. My heart broke seeing it there but at the same time I had a feeling of peace. Baby A has an angel right next to him/her. I feel comfort knowing even tho its so so small its still a precious baby and I have it safe inside me until God decides to take it from my Body by having my Body absorb it. Or Baby A will push it out of the way and it will take care of its self. Most likely absorb.

Ive noticed the difference in my belly since last week. Before it was growing very rapidly and now its about the same if not a little less pressure around the pants line. The nauseous feeling all day long is now about 75% of the time and not 100% .
 I'm a little less tired but not by much.
Ive had one hell of a weekend with so much on my mind and on my heart I didn't sleep as well as I should of either. Sam and I talked for over an hour after our appointment and it was exactly what I needed. Reassurance for both of us and a sense of Peace and knowing now what we needed to know... now its up to God and we need to focus on what we still have. I must say I'm really falling in love with this little person in me. Its so different tho. I don't feel like I did with my kids. I don't get that drop love feeling when I see it on the US machine. But I love it just the same as I do all kiddos. When my best friend had her little boy I cryd. I was there from day one through the whole delivery and after. I can say that's the Love I feel right now. That Auntie that's going to spoil the crap out of this little one but scold you when you throw that rock at the passing car kinda love. AND I LOVE IT!!! 

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