Sunday, September 29, 2013


Sept 8th we went to Fargo for Finny's baptism. Nick had to work that weekend and couldn't find anyone to switch with him so it was just the kiddos and I. I was so excited when Sam messaged me about the baptism still in disbelief that I am actually invited to something so special and after have lunch with her family. I sat and admired everyone loving him up that day. Feeling those moments after he was born all over again. I would lie if I said I didnt tear up a time or two. Hes getting so big I couldn't believe it when she placed him in my arms how much hes grown. Time goes by way to fast that's for sure..

we couldnt of had a trip with out some excitement could we.. ? Nope most definitely not. After the Baptism Sam wanted to get a couple pictures. In litterly a second Thomas was gone. I ran through the church frantic with every second going by I got more and more scared. Thomas has a tendency of "fleeing" places or wandering. Well Jack decided to check outside.. and sure enough he was out in the parking lot. He thought we left and he went looking for us. Jack was so calm while tears filled my eyes as soon as I saw him. Such a great daddy he is. =) He knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.

After the pictures we went to a restaurant to have some lunch. The food was really good and the waiter was great too. Thomas was pretty over stimulated by this time so it was hard for him to relax, eventually he did eat some and the kids ( Jack and Sams girls and my 2) played for a while before we had to head back home. Finny slept the whole time. I had the hardest time trying to figure out what to get him for his baptism gift. It had to be perfect and something he can keep forever... I got him a baptismal Stuffed lamb. It had a cross on its foot and super soft. I thought he is a precious little lamb. so sweet and soft and the meaning behind it all went perfect as well. But I couldnt forget about his twin. That baby was with us even if it was for a short time. Along with Finnys other brothers/sisters are resting in the arms of our savior until one day we will all be together again. Maybe some people think its too much. That maybe its being too into it emotionally, but I dont think so. I also got an angel.. a remembrance angel (like precious moments) to remember all the little ones that are waiting. I had to remember them. I still think of the baby I lost so earlie on and I wonder myself what could of been and that it still is my baby. Anyone whos lost a child knows what Im saying. I hope the angel gives some peace and love to Sam.

I still get the question of feeling a loss or regret.. and my answers the same. Im Happy I was her surrogate. I go through some emotional days where Im still in disbelief that every things happened and that usually goes with a sappy text to Sam (*smiles*) but its true. I miss the closeness Sam and I had for months tho. Going from talking/texting all the time and seeing each other at least 1-5x a month to life getting busy again and it going back to 'normal', so it has been a change. I knew it would happen and its not a bad thing at all, its just something thats apart of the gig. lol. She sends me pictures with updates and I must say it makes my day! *keep em coming hehe*.

The kids are busy with school and Im trying to get into the LPN program for next fall. With the new 'have to do's ' to get into the program Im a little stressed but trying to stay positive. The holidays are right around the corner and so is Olivias birthday in December. So lifes going to get even more hectic.. 

Next trip to fargo Sams going to do an update on our family photos. Im pretty darn excited Im already trying to figure out what everyones going to wear!!!

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