Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Anxious Thoughts....

25 weeks is less than 4 days away and I'm finding myself feeling anxious after my appointment today. Thoughts of going into labor and what could go wrong is resting on my mind more so then they have before.(usually positive positive thoughts *smiles*) but with finding out today that the baby is 3 weeks ahead in growth and also going through the '' if this happens or that you need to do this'' with the contractions and pains, its bringing it to a not so positive side of thinking. I know I'm surly over thinking it and its not helping my anxiety but its hard not to when so much has went on that we didn't expect. People don't think that issues will ever come up when their pregnancy's before where really issue free and all of a sudden it feels like so much in life is chaotic and going wrong
(and I'm talking about everything in general). I miss working, its becoming harder and harder to get stuff done on my own around the house or even lifting and caring for the kids. Which makes sense since I'm measuring bigger then how many weeks I am and the issues at hand. I wasn't this uncomfortable until later in my pregnancy's like 30 plus weeks. Its going to be alot easier when it starts to warm up. No bundling up the kids, No packing extra stuff, Moving snow. Just to be able to play outside with the kids instead of the constant entertaining with indoor activities or finding things to do around town (bundling lifting in and out of the truck ect).

Maybe I'm feeling like I'm failing at this pregnancy. I know that's pretty extreme but its the best way I can describe it. I still feel extremely uncomfortable with any compliments I'm given I think even more so now that my body isn't doing what I expect it to and it has done in the past...

I don't like the thought of alot of people around me/seeing me in labor. Its such an intimate private experience I'm doing my best to push those thoughts aside until I have to deal with it. And those who know me know I'm not a very shy person most of the time. But this is a whole different experience...


But still...I wouldn't change my choice. These are just hurdle's that I will over come with time. In the end I can say I achieved one of my goals in life. I guess you can say its something that's on my bucket list I want to do.
This next week I have to deal with some unpleasant people so please have my family and I in your prayers. Peace  Stress  Free  Prayers.
(I'm sure that's adding to the anxiety more so then it would be under normal circumstances)
I cant wait to be over with these situations and get my life back on track. Not being distracted and pulled away from people in my life that I want to spend time with and not be distracted or so exhausted that I cant give my all. I think that's enough rambling for tonight...

I need to shut my brain off. =S
*All teary eyed*

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