Thursday, July 5, 2012

Its a new day

Theres the wonderful list of side effects from the medication I'm taking. Provera.

Bloating, peeing more, breast tenderness,  galactorrhea , feelings of sadness/anxiety, restless/cant sleep, weight loss, some hair loss, Breaking out (GERR), cramping.

For a few days in the beginning I kept telling Nick that I felt something was wrong. I felt out of sorts and then I noticed the galactorrhea. So I googles the side effects and it all fell into place. I guess I never thought of side effects since I didn't really have many taking medication to get pregnant with Thomas. But that was femara and this is provera. kinda the same. Does the same in the long run but wow the side effects are so much different.

I'm still waiting for AF. At this point I'm over the freaking out it needs to come, its more like letting go and letting God. Obviously I'm worried about being ready for the transfer but as far as my AF is concerned if it doesn't happen this month then God must not want it to. We can transfer next month if this cycle doesn't line up.

Not saying it doesnt suck but I cant worry about what I cant control.

On a happy Note it was my 25th Birthday yesterday. That's right I am a 4th of July baby!!! I love my birthday. Fireworks, food , family/friends,lake, bon fires whats not to love!
I had a good day with family and friends. Some left Earlie and that sucked but in all it was really good. Kids played in the swimming pool all day. We gave them their bath before we left to go watch the fire works and they passed out before we even made it out of town. Slept through the whole thing and all the way home. We put them to bed and that was that. I recorded the show on my phone so they could watch it today.

Ive noticed over the last 2 months my friends list is getting smaller and smaller (probably 10 plus friends). Some Ive done myself and and the rest people have deleted me. At first I was upset that some of these people felt that for what ever reason they didn't want to be friends and then I thought well ... I gotta except it. I'm not sure if it because of this surrogacy or the fact I speak my mind and post debatable articles on FB. All I know is that from what I can tell its about the time I came out with our news of matching. I need people in my life that support me and is there for me., Those who have deleted me must not care and Ive accepted that. Ive realized that time changes people. Some grow and become better more mature adults and others live in this little bubble of a life and don't want to move and grow up. its a hard fact of life I guess when you see that with people YOU care about. but you cant control anyone but yourself or help those who don't want to help themselves. I'm not saying it still doesn't hurt from the people I truely deeply cared about but its about acceptance.

The worst feeling I think is when you realize you care more about someone then they ever cared about you. The choices people make in life that you thought would include you and it doesn't ... cuts deep.

Today is a new day and I'm so thankful for the people in my life that are there and care. I have such a big heart and usually it gets broken. Ive been told I love to love.. and I guess its true. I try and love everyone for who they are and stand up for that. If thats wrong thats ok by me.

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